The Stamp
by NekoTaku24433
Summary: Edward gets Roy a sarcastic present when he is promoted, but Roy loves it and does something strange. Now Ed can't stop thinking about Roy, and Riza and Al are plotting their demise. T for Ed's mouth and *light* Yaoi. RoyEd and maybe other pairings.
1. Chapter 1

**Now, when I was doing this I was having trouble deciding whether or not to have Roy promoted, or if it should be his birthday. For a promotion, I would make references to his additional work; for his birthday I would tease him for his age. In the end, the only reason I picked a promotion is because Ed never celebrated his birthday before this. This will be a relatively long fic, over 20k is my hopes. This is also my first fic on this account; I lost my old password. And so while I am not a new writer, I would highly appreciate constructive reviews. I shall use all anti RoyEd flames to toast my marshmallows. Please, read and review! And if I get at least 10 reviews, I'll try to update before the end of the week. (Well, I'll try anyway) Either way, I definitely plan to finish this. Also, the half-naked Breda is in reference to the FMA Chibi party; look it up on YouTube it's HILARIOUS!**

**Rating: T; for Ed's mouth (duh) and anything that works its way in**

**Pairing: RoyXEd**

**Disclaimer: If I owned FMA, then this wouldn't be called a FANfiction, would it? **

**Warning: slight randomness (only for now I hope), Drunk Breda and Havoc, Roy Ed smoochiness**

**Neko: Okay, so ON WITH THE SHOW!**

**Ed: *pssst!* Hey! Don't read this crap! Stop wasting your time and go do something productive! Like get this sucky author OFF OF THIS SITE!**

**Roy: Aww, Fullmetal, you don't want to spent more time with me? What a shame!**

**Neko: SHUT UP ALREADY AND LET ME FREAKING TYPE!**

**Roy/Ed: *grumble grumble***

**UPDATE: I made a few minor changes to make the next chapter flow more.**

* * *

Edward smirked as walked down the familiar white hallways, clutching a small blue bag in his hand. He paused at the corner to the outer office, where he could already hear Havoc snorting with laughter and the click of Fuery's camera as he took pictures of the half-naked drunken Breda. The blonde teen took a deep breath of the slightly musky air, enjoying the scent of the coffee as he went over the taunts in his head. Ed had it all planned out in his head; the slightly confused look on that Colonel Bastard's face as he would pull out the contents of the gift bag, the sarcastic comment he'd make in order to fluster the teen and through him into some berserker rage, that smug look on his face ad he would smirk down at him, and then Ed would forget all about his calculated speech that would leave that Colonel, well…speechless. And Gate DAMMIT he had to remember that the Bastard had just been promoted, hence the party. Great, now the Colonel's—DAMMIT BRIGADIER GENERAL'S—already over-inflated ego would swell to ridiculous proportions, maybe so much that his pretty little face he loves so much would swell up and he would float way away to the north, wear Major General Armstrong could kick is—

"Hey, Fullmetal, are you gonna stand there all day? We don't bite." Ed jumped slightly as his train of though was interrupted, and Colo—BRIGADIER EFFING GENERAL BASTARD MUSTANG smirked at his startled expression. "No need to be star struck; I'm the same as before. The brass just finally realized how amazing I am is all. I hope my higher rank doesn't make you overly aware of your own _shortcomings_ in the military ranks." Ed snarled furiously leaping up so he and the bastard were eye to eye, his pure rage somehow keeping him elevated in midair. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO MICROSCO….damn…." Ed landed back on his feet, his face twisted into a furious scowl. The Colo…Brigadier General had gotten the better of him. Flame, one; Fullmetal, Zero...

Mustang looked somewhat surprised at his sudden temper control, but quickly hid his momentary lapse in his cool façade with the trademark I'm-A-Sexy-Bastard-And-I-Know-It smirk. "If you're done ogling, you can join the party." Turning around as if he didn't give a damn, he strolled—or maybe glided, yes glided seems to fit him better—into the outer office, where (as he had suspected) Breda was prancing around in his whitey tighties (though technically they were red). Falman shuffled somewhat awkwardly in the corner, Havoc snorted with laughter, Fuery's camera flashed at an absurd rate, and Riza sighed , cocking her gun as the drunken Breda got a bit too….well….With an exasperated huff, Ed stomped after him.

Glancing over, Jean gave a happy wave. "Heyyah Chief!" He cried out, swaying over to him. "You look thirsty! Wanna hafa duriiiiiiiiiiiiink?" As he neared the alarmed boy, Ed caught a strong whiff of alcohol and sweat. Eww. _If that's what I'll smell like when I get older, I think I'll skip the parties…._he thought to himself. He hurriedly stepped back, holding out his gloved hands in defense as Havoc held out a dark glass, splashing the whiskey on his beloved red coat in the process.

Ed gave an exasperated snarl, holding back a fit._ It can be fixed; It can be fixed…._"I'm underaged, remember?" He ground out through his teeth. He felt his annoyance rise when he noticed Mustang quietly laughing into his hand as Edward fended off a drunken Havoc. _THAT DAMNED BASTARD!WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HIM….._"No Ed, don't lose you're cool now…." He muttered to himself. If he did, Mustang would win, and even if he lied to himself and said that Mustang never won, he did. Every time. EVERY. SINGLE. EFFING. TIME. And Ed wanted to win. BADLY.

Thankfully, Breda saved him from being assaulted by Jean as he sang off-key "PUUREZZZENT TEEEIIME! PUUREZZZENT TEEEIIME! I LUUUURVE PUUREZZZENT TIEIEIEIEIEIIIIIIIIME!" While Riza face-palmed herself in the corner, Roy glided over with a smirk. "Oh, for me? You shouldn't have!" Ed snorted at the false modesty. "We really shouldn't have…" he muttered. Glancing toward the middle of the room, he wondered briefly how much money the enormous pile of presents had cost. Its size rivaled the mountains in Briggs, and as he began to mentally do some calculations about the size ratio between the two, the Lieutenant Colonel arrived.

Or, more accurately, Hughes burst into the room and slammed the door into the wall so hard it probably left a hole. He had a ridiculous grin plastered on his face and a monstrously enormous box balanced on top of his head. "ROOOY! BUDDY O' MINE! LOOK AT WHAT I GOT YOU! IT'S THE GREATEST PRESENT THIS WORLD HA—Gah!" The (still grinning) man tripped over the prone body of Jean Havoc, who had collapsed just moments before. Suddenly his face twisted into one filled with horror as the box bounced off of one of its corners, flying open in the process. "NOOO! ELYSIA! GRACIA!" Everything seemed to slow down as they all watched what seemed like thousands of photos (in reality it was 62,947,618,237,856 pictures) and a glass sculpture of Mrs. Hughes and her daughter sail through the air. The startled Breda leapt back, bumping into a previously unnoticed ice sculpture. Ed mentally snorted with laughter. An _Ice Sculpture_ for the _Flame Alchemist?! _Both sculptures flew through the air and smashed into each other, and Ed clapped his hands together and slammed them into the floor, forming a wall to protect anyone from flying shards of glass and ice.

As everything settled into silence, Fuery sat up weakly and straitened his glasses. His uniform was rumpled and a bit dusty, but Ed's wall had been successful. "So…no presents?" Roy burst into laughter at that, clapping his startled subordinate on the back. "Sorry Fuery, no presents." Everyone laughed shakily at that, still electrified by the adrenaline rush. They surveyed the damage with wide eyes; the teen had reacted quickly, and the wall he had created was almost like a dome and surrounded the disaster in the center of the office. It had created an almost moat-like intent around it several feet deep though, and as they all calmed down, Havoc gave a yelp of shock as he tumbled into it. Ed gave a small sigh, ignoring him; after all that planning, he wouldn't be able to give the Brigadier General Bastard his new present. He stood up, the blue bag still clutched in his automail hand.

As he turned to leave, Mustang waved for him to stop. Lieutenant Hawkeye, can you escort my met to their homes? Borrow Hughes's car; it should fit him, Havoc, and Breda with you." He shot Hughes a furious glare as he tried to argue. "And you, Fullmetal…Clean up this mess and then see me in my office. Now." With that, Roy stepped out of the office, muttering in annoyance to himself. Ed nodded, doing a mental dance of victory. _Yes! It's not too late to give him it!"_ Ed nodded again, stepping around the destruction and mentally wincing at the huge disaster he had made of the office. Wincing again, he clapped his hands together and pressed them to the alchemized wall he had created. With a bright blue flash, the array he imagined activated , fixing the floor. Ed gave a snort of laughter at the sight before him. The class sculpture and frozen Roy had smashed and fused together, with Roy's smirking face attached to Elysia's shoulders. He tiptoed around the shard of melting ice and glass as he made his way to his superior's inner office. Kicking open the door, he stepped in and slammed it behind him. With a bored sigh, he crashed down onto the black leather couch and tossed the bag onto the coffee table. Hearing the door quietly click open, Ed turned to see Mustang closing the door behind him. "So, Fullmetal, what's in the bag?"

* * *

Roy strolled into his office and saw the teen glance at the baggie on the dark brown coffee table. It was a royal blue with a black and white flame emblem on the front, and Roy smirked at the now-flustered teen. "Everyone else probably got you a ridiculously extravagant present that would most likely just sit there and collect dust, so I got you something a bit more useful." Roy glided over to the table and picked up the bag in white-gloved hands as Fullmetal continued to ramble. "I mean, with you getting promoted, you're sure to be getting more paperwork, and since and old man like you is already having trouble writing out his own name, I figured this might be useful, y'kow?" Roy ignored him as he reached deep into the bag and pulled out a small silver object. Roy gasped slightly, his eyes widening at the sight of it. "Plus I know Hawkeye will appreciate you being able to work faster—and now _you_ won't have any excuse to work at that snail's pace you have going! Eh, General Bastard?...Bastard!" The blonde gave an annoyed huff, stomping over to Roy and whacking him upside the head with his automail hand.

Roy jumped slightly, the silver shape still clutched in his hand. "Wh-what?" Edward glared up at him furiously. "Did you not hear everything I just said?!" The blonde gave an annoyed sigh. "Whatever, I give up. Bye…!" Ed turned around, waving one arm in fair well. Roy felt a huge grin break onto his face as he stared at the object I his hand. To tell you the truth, Roy was shocked that the Fullmetal kid had done something so thoughtful. It was something he had been trying to get for a while, but it had never met Hawkeye's standards, so the fact that the little blonde had gotten a perfect one for him…well, it made him so happy that he wanted to kiss him! Without thinking, Roy grabbed Fullmetal by the shoulder, spun him around, and slammed his lips into the younger's. Ed's eyes widened and be began to struggle violently. He tried to pull his mouth away from Roy's, but as Roy moved his lips with the younger's, breathing in as Ed breathed out, Edward's body relaxed and he began to respond to the kiss. He pressed his body against Roy's, and he seemed to fit against him like a puzzle piece. Their lips moved against each other in perfect harmony, like two people holding a conversation. Ed's tongue flicked out against the General's lip, asking for entrance. Roy happily obliged, opening his mouth and letting his tongue slide in. Roy noted that the younger tasted of oranges as he mapped out the inside of his mouth with his tongue. They began to battle for dominance, and Edward tugged at Roy's hair, pulling him lower so he could have better access. "Mmm, you're so short that bending over to kiss you is making my back hurt." He murmured into Ed's lips. Ed snarled slightly, tugging uncomfortably at his raven locks—until they both realized what exactly he had said. The two leapt away from each other as if they were on fire. Roy stumbled away, gasping slightly for air. The teen had fallen over backwards onto the couch, golden eyes wide and cheeks flushed. His kiss-swollen lips opened and closed like a fish's mouth, and Roy noted with some embarrassment that he had managed to work Edward's hair out of its customary braid.

The flustered teen scrambled to his feet, breathing heavily. "Wha…What was…ugh…I g-gotta go. Me's expecting Al—I mean Al's expecting me. M' glad you liked the gift….S-see you." With those stuttered words, Ed flew out of the room, and Roy could've sworn that he had seen an after image. Roy sat back heavily at his desk, running a hand through his dark hair. He glanced at the silver and marble object on his desk, the one that started this whole mess. He picked up the intricate object, and looking very closely, he could vaguely see evidence of a transmutation. If he squinted. With a magnifying glass. He was impressed at how well Fullmetal had put it together. But sadly, along with his amazing skill and attention to detail, it had his tacky taste as well. He rolled his eyes at the skulls and dragons that twisted around it, and the almost life-like flames that lapped around the edges. And, on the bottom of the tacky-but-beautiful object, Ed had carved the words Brigadier General Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist. It was flawless, and Riza would have no complaints. He would be able to finish his work in a quarter of the time it normally took. That wasn't what was on his mind though. The thing that had started this whole mess, that had caused him to kiss his subordinate…..was a stamp.

* * *

**Neko: So that was my first kiss scene, and while it kinda stunk, I thought it was passable for a first time. I would LOVE pointers though! And as I typed this in a couple of hours, I hope that I might be able to update faster than I originally presumed. Yah for Fluffy RoyEdness!**

**Ed: I hate you**

**Roy: Why, Fullmetal? Didn't you enjoy yourself? Or was the bliss somewhat **_**short**_**lived?**

**Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SUBATOMIC SHRIMP THAT IF HE GOT A MOSQUITO BITE HE WOULD DIE OF BLOOD LOSS AND A BOTTLE OF BUG SPRAY LASTS HIM HIS WHOLE LIFE CUZ HE ONLY USES A DROP AT A TIME AND HAS TO USE A MICROPIPETTE TO PUT IT ON?!**

**Roy: You**

**ED:WHY YOU!**


	2. Chapter 2

**So sorry for waiting to update, but school takes priority. *sigh* I WILL NOT LET THIS STORY DIE! *cough* But anyway, i couldn't NOT update it on this date of all days...OMG ITS OCTOBER 3! Is what i thought when I checked my FMA pocketwatch for the time 1st period today. Anyway...SHUT UP WITH THE RAMBLING AND CONTINUE!**

**Ed: GO BE PRODUCTIVE AND STOP READING THIS CRAP!**

**Roy: But Edward, life is just so _short._**

**Ed: WHY YOU-! **

**Neko:** **Obviously, I don't own the amazing series Fullmetal Alchemist, and while my friend threatens me to update, she doesn't bribe me, so I make no moneyT.T**

**Ed: Thank the Gate she doesn't own us**

* * *

Riza gave a small sigh as Hughes checked his pockets to the fourth time, but to no avail; she would have to go up ALL of those flights of stairs to search for his lost car keys amongst the shards of glass and melting ice. As she went up the seventh flight of stairs, (she wondered WHY the military didn't invest some money in elevators), she found herself being shoved aside by a flushed and wide-eyed blond. "S-Sorry!" he cried out, and she noted his wild hair that floated loosely around his shoulders and his swollen lips as he rushed down the stairs faster than she thought humanly possible. '_Huh…I wonder what that was about_…'she mused to herself as she stared after the startled young alchemist. He had just been in Roy's office….Well, it wouldn't do to assume anything until she had more proof. As she made the last turn around the hall, she made a mental note to herself to drill Roy later….after she dragged the drunken Jean and Heymans home.

* * *

Al stirred the rich, golden curry absentmindedly, reveling in the fragrant scent of Xingese spices. He hummed softly to himself, never tiring of his newly obtained senses. He had had his body for nearly a year at this point, next week marking his eleventh month, but it still seemed like a new world to him. Everything seemed clearer, sharper, more _real, _and he reveled in new sensations that memories couldn't hold a candle to. His gratitude to his brother was ineffable, and as he heard the slam of the door to their home slam open and shut, he turned the heat on the stove to a low simmer and spun around the corner, a grin plastered on his face. "Nii-san! How was the….." Al trailed off as he watched a red blur zip up the stairs and lock himself into his room. "…party?" Al followed his brother up the stairs, a concerned expression on his face. "Nii-san? …..Nii-san?! Are you alright?...Did something happen?" Edward yelled something incomprehensible from inside, and moments later he could hear the _sha-shaaa_ of the shower. Alphonse rolled his eyes in exasperation, heading back down the stairs. Ed could be like a rock sometimes, and it would take a while to worm this juicy bit of information out of him. Well, no matter. He had his sources, and Lt. Hawkeye and he needed to do some catching up….

* * *

Edward shivered as the hot water from the shower washed over his body and ran a glistening automail hand through his tangled golden locks. After all that he had been through, after facing the Gate so many times, losing his arm and leg, losing _Alphonse_, nearly dying as a freaking pole was lodged through his freaking chest, he had only felt fear like that a few times, and all of them had been related to Alphonse and Winry. Well, mostly due _to _Winry, but all jokes aside, he couldn't truly compare that emotion to any he had felt in relation to them or any before that at all. That rush of fear, the urge to pull away….but he also couldn't deny the sense of longing, the need to pull that bastard closer and run his hands through those raven locks. He had smelled of smoke and spices, and the taste of Roy was indescribable….Wait, when had he stopped being That Bastard? Ed gave a frustrated cry and slammed his automail fist into the tile wall with a crack. What the hell?! This was Roy! Their relationship was complex, but not at all complicated. Roy teased, Ed flamed, but underneath all that there was a tense mutual respect and lines that they would not cross in their not-so-friendly banter. When had that changed? _Had _anything changed? Was this just some sick, twisted joke to mess with his mind? And if so, why did that thought disappoint him so much?

* * *

Roy groaned as Riza Hawkeye stepped into the room, rousing him from a sleep filled with the scent of oil and leather and oranges. A small puddle of drool had formed on his paperwork (something about a downed bridge leading to Dublith, not that he cared), and hurriedly wiped away the trail of drool at the corner of his mouth. "Yes, Lieutenant? Is there a probl….em?" Roy gulped discreetly as he stared down the barrel of her gun. The damned thing was polished to the point of ridiculousness, and he cringed involuntarily as the sunlight reflected off of it and shone directly in his eyes. Dammit, he was _not_ flinching from her! It wasn't as if she would should him anyway…..right? His words from all those years ago whispered in his ears, "…and that means you have permission to shoot me in the back as well if I stray from this path…" and he inwardly swore as he realized the safety was off. He procrastinating on his paperwork surely didn't count as "straying from the path of becoming Furer," and he could only hope Riza agreed.

"Sir, what happened yesterday with Edward while I was gone?" Blunt as ever, Roy noticed as he snorted drily. But as he caught sight of the cold glare she gave him and saw her finger tense over the trigger _ever so slightly_, he hurriedly changed his snort into a manly (read : spastic) cough. She raised one slender blonde eyebrow in disbelief, so Roy stopped hacking up a lung. He leaned back in his chair and shot her one of his trademark smirks.

"Nothing that concerns you. Why don't you scurry on off now and go make me a sandwich?" Roy flinched to the side as a bullet tore through the antique oak wood frame of the window and lodges itself into the arm of a man mugging a little girl ten blocks down. Riza was not amused. Roy gulped, hurriedly sitting back up. "Alright; alright! Here, this is what happened…."

* * *

Riza Hawkeye did not raise both eyebrows. She raised one in a sarcastic warning when Havoc and Breda were playing paper football with Roy's paperwork. She furrowed her eyebrows when deep in thought and when she was worried. They did this weird almost-raised thingy when she was shocked, where the middle went up but the ends stayed down, which made her almost look afraid. And when she _was_ afraid, she gritted her teeth, glared, and shot the hell out of whatever was creeping her out. Needless to say, her eyebrows would need a passport to come back down from her hairline after she heard Roy say what she thought he just said. "You…kissed him. Edward. You…he…ki…k…What?" Roy groaned and slumped further down his chair.

"I have no fucking clue how the hell that it happened…." Roy looked at her with pleading, desperate onyx eyes. "I…he…URGH!" He slammed his head onto his desk yet again, tugging on his dark hair. "It's not supposed to be this complicated! I tease him, he flames, but under all that I know he's a good kid! But Edward is JUST THAT. A kid! A child! For God's sake, when he joined the military, I was 26 and he was 12! FUCKING TWELVE! I shouldn't be acting like some high school boy who just asked out his crush!" Suddenly he froze, hands still tangled in his hair. When had Fullmetal stopped being Fullmetal, and started being Ed? Brigadier-General Roy Mustang, renowned flame alchemist and famous womanizer of Central, resumed his temper tantrum.

* * *

Alphonse stared at Ed hard over the bowls of steaming curry as he watched his brother ramble on. There was something wrong, and he just had to figure out what. Ed was obviously tense, and his long golden hair clung to his damp skin. Also, the fact that he had only had two helpings was disturbing; he usually eight anywhere between seven and twelve, and a minimum of five when he was sick. "…so what do you think, Al?"

Alphonse started, sitting upright and slamming his knees into the table. Wincing, he shot the exasperated Ed a guilty look. "Sorry Nii-san, I wasn't listening. What was that?" Al must've spaced out longer than he had thought, and when he took another bite of curry he realized that it was roughly room temperature now.

Ed rolled his eyes at him. "I _said_ that I had a new idea for hydro alchemy. Since 70% of the human body is made of water, couldn't alchemy be used to control one's opponent like a puppet?" Al nodded to himself as his mind was filled with various arrays. Yes, yes, it _could _work, and it could probably save many lives on the battlefield in comparison to the destructive alchemy they used now. But you would need to figure out how to make sure the blood flowed to the rest of the body, but then again couldn't you move it almost like a wheel and circulate the blood while moving it, and then there were the muscles to consider….Al was broken from his train of thought as Sootie, their small black cat, happily rubbed against his leg. But as he bent down to pet her, a thought flashed through his mind.

"True, but wouldn't that count as human transmutation?"

Edward's eyes darkened instantly, and he gave a tense nod. "Yeah…so how was your day?" He gave Alphonse a false smile, the one he had been giving him all night. He always did this: whenever a topic was brought up that related to their harsh pasts, Edward would simply ignore it. Alphonse gritted his teeth in slight frustration, but chose to ignore it. He had more pressing matters to drill his brother on at the moment.

Alphonse gave his brother an innocent smile. It was time to prod around a bit to see what was bothering him so much. "Mine was wonderful, but how was your day? I know you had to look through a new case with Shieska." Ed tensed, but as soon as he heard the awkward librarian's name he relaxed, if only fractionally. Hrmm, wrong guess.

"I had a fine day, and Shieska and I covered a lot of ground in the case today."

"Winry gave you a call too. How's she doing?"

"She's doing fine, and has some upgrades that she wants me to get as soon as I can."

Wrong again, dammit. "And how's Brigadier-General Mustang doing? Did he like your gift? I know you spent a lot of time perfecting the details." Ed tensed up immediately, his eyes hardening and several imperceptible emotions flitting across his features. Bingo.

"The Bastard's fine, and I don't give a chimera's ass if he liked the damned gift or not." Al saw how uncomfortable his older brother looked and gave his hand a comforting squeeze. Ed looked up in surprise, and Al gave him a soft smile.

"Nii-san, something's been bothering you since you got home. What happened? I won't judge. Just please….you can't keep these things bottled up. Just tell me what happened." Alphonse watched uncertainty claim hold of Ed, but Al looked at him pleadingly. Something was wrong, and this time he needed a confident, not a bossy brother. "Please, Nii-san."

Ed gave a small sigh, running his automail hand through his damp hair. "Where do I even begin…?"

* * *

Alphonse knocked on the Lieutenants' door, a thoughtful look on his handsome face. As she opened the door, one hand holding a towel to her wet hair, they spoke in unison.

"We need to talk about Edward and Mustang"

* * *

**Yah, I finally updated! Thank you so much to everyone who read this story! As special thanks to everyone who reviewed. I just couldn't pass by this date without posting another chapter, even if it is a little under 2,000 words. T.T ANYWAYS...So with Living Enviorment, Geometry, English, and Global history homework almost every night, I'm afraid that it will probably be a while before my next update. BUT I PROMISE IT WILL BE BEFORE HALLOWEEN! Once again thank you to all readers, and sorry for the lack of Roy/Ed interaction. But I just love Alphonse and Riza, and I felt as if they needed a bit of screentime. What are they plotting for our (well, at least my) favorite couple now?**

**To RubySapphireMoon:**

**My first reviewer! YAY! I'm so glad you enjoyer this and Yes, I definantly plan on continuing this story, but I may be slow to update T.T SORRY!**

**To my Guest Review**

**Thank you! Please keep on reading, and as you can tell I will try to post often.**

**To VermillionValentine**

**Yes, as much as I wish I could have him thank ed "properly" *cough*smut*cough*, my parents would kill me and there would be no more chapters...**

**To Midnight-Kitsune11**

**As I have said, I definantly plan on continuing this, and I thank you so much for reviewing. I am very glad that you enjoyed this, and I hope my writing skills only develop more.**


	3. Chapter 3

**SO SOOOOOO SORRY! I know I should have updated sooner, and that there isn't enough of Roy and Ed in this chapter, but I PROMISE there will be more of them soon. SOON! At this point, I'll probably only update monthly, but I'll try to post a one-shot every time I do. ANYWAY…..I ought to get to the story. Roy, Ed, do the honors, will you?**

**Roy: NekoTaku24433 does not own Fullmetal Alchemist or any related merchandise, which all belongs to Hiromu Arakawa. **

**Ed: Thank the GATE that she doesn't either.**

**Neko: HEY! Just for that, YOU don't get any face-time in this chapter.**

**Ed: Aww, c'mon!**

**Roy: *snickers* Besides, they'd have to use a magnifying glass to read the writing.**

**Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLINS SO SMALL THAT HE ISN'T REALLY AN ALCHEMIST AND ACTUALLY RE-ARANGES THE MOLECULES BY HAND?!**

**Neko: 'Cause of that stunt, **_**you**_** don't get any time **_**EITHER!**_

**Ed & Roy: *grumbles***

* * *

"You've noticed it, haven't you?" There saw a soft sigh of resignation, a screech of a chair and a rustling of cloth, as if someone was taking off a coat.

"How could I not? He's been acting strange lately; twitchy and nervous simply isn't in his vocabulary. Something happened between them." There was another screech, a groan of a chair.

"I can say the same about the other one. He's been distracted lately, and he'll have frown lines on his forehead soon if he keeps this up. The thing that's worrying me the most though is his work ethic."

The wood creaked again, as if someone was leaning forward. "What, is he not getting anything done? I thought that he didn't do that anyway."

"No, in fact, it's the complete opposite. He's getting his work done with time to spare."

"Wait, wouldn't that be a good thing?"

"Normally yes, but he only works hard when something is really bothering him, he's avoiding someone, or something disastrous happened. This time, I think it's all three."

A sigh, a scratch of the head. "I wish that I could say the same. He's been so jumpy and on-edge that he hasn't been able to get a lick of work done. Now you know him; he has a one-track mind, and when he sets it on something he dedicates his every waking—and sleeping—second on it. The fact that he can't focus means that there is something else—something major."

You could practically hear the mischief in their voice. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

The other snorted in exasperation. "That's _kinda _why I came. The_ real_ question is what we do about it."

"This'll take a while." The chair screeched against the wooden floor and it groaned as someone stood up. "Would you like some tea or coffee?"

A tired sigh greeted the question, exhaustion evident in its tone. "A beer would be nice if you have one; anything with alcohol really."

The other voice grew quieted and echoed slightly as its owner walked away. "Coffee it is then. We both know you're underage." There was a rhythmic, heavy click of heeled boots.

"_Awww!_"

* * *

Madame Christmas was a large, gruff woman, with a large bust and a cigarette always hanging off of her lips. Despite looking so harsh, she really had quite a large heart, and her many foster children could testify to that. They wouldn't though, because Madame Christmas was a woman who kept her emotions to herself, and didn't often express her feelings to others. She also wasn't very good with helping others express their feelings or helping them understand their emotions; this is why she was so surprised when her ancient phone, which she owned more as a formality than anything, began to ring. Sighing in exasperation, she heaver herself from the armchair and hobbled over to the phone. Clutching her back, she gave a pained grunt into the phone. "Madame Christmas and this had better be good." There was a moment of silence, and she raised her eyebrows when she heard the caller's voice. "Roy-boy, is that you?"

* * *

There was the heavy clink of a mug on a plate, ceramic on ceramic. "Before we continue, I need to ask what your opinion on this is."

"On what?" The voice was muffled slightly, as if its owner was eating.

"On what you think of this entire situation; on the two of them—together."

"As you know, he's a very passionate person, though aside from his height and people he cares, deeply about, he's pretty calm. The fact that he's so….zealous …..about him shows that he cares. And as you know, there is a very thin line between hate and love. And whatever makes him happy makes me happy."

"Hmm…." Another clatter as a fork or knife was dropped.

There was a moment of silence. "…Did I say something wrong?"

"No, no…I'm just thinking…"

You could hear the velvety sound of a knife sliding through a pastry of some form. "In that case, why don't I cut you another slice of cake? Look, it's even in the shape of a kitty!"

* * *

Den was an older dog, but he was like some older men in that he still stayed fit. Living out in the country, he enjoyed going on long walks with Winry down to the rest of the town. Having lost a leg once made him appreciate his ability to run and frolic in the grass. He especially enjoyed playing with the town children, whose interest in his automail foreleg never dimmed. With Winry gone though, his opportunities to visit the town were few and far between, so having her visit was an extra-special treat. So, why then was his time with her being cut short?! He gave another unhappy yip as Winry raced over to the shop keep, an alarmed look suffusing her face. He leaped over to her as the balding man whispered a few words, passing the black shape over to her. He never understood the use of those things, or how they worked. He _did_ know that they had quite an effect of the people though, bringing them to happy yips and yowls of laughter or choking, growling sobs of sadness. He could hear a noise coming out of it, but he had no way of understanding. There were some word that he understood, such as "GOOD" and "BADDOG" and "FOOD" and "NO" and "STOP", and he knew that some sounds meant people, like "WINRY" and "GRAHYPINUHO" and "ALFUNZ". But above all, he knew than one word filled Winry with such hope and fear, one that had no comparison in its impact on her. Some used the phone thing often, but others almost never did. Now though, he heard her make a sound, showing that one of the people that almost never used the phone, one who didn't "CULL" enough, was trying to talk to Winry. "Ed?"

* * *

"I have a plan."

"What is it? We've been thinking for hours, and I can't even imagine anything remotely reasonable."

"You know about the State Alchemy assessments, correct?"

A soft slosh of liquid and the clink of a glass being placed on a table. "They have to take those every year to show their progress to prove that their funds aren't going to waste. What about them?"

"For this one coming up, the Fuhrer has something special devised. I can't reveal the details, but the State Alchemists will be forced to work in teams of two. I can pull a few strings to get them together."

There was a thunk as the chair was pushed over and the person jumped to their feet. "Wow, this might be just what we're looking for! …Wait a moment—there's no _way_ he'd listen to orders and work with _him_."

"I'll talk to my superiors. He'll be court-martialed if he so much as steps from his side to use the bathroom."

"You know, Lieutenant Hawkeye, this might just work."

"It just might Alphonse, it just might."

* * *

Maes Hughes removed his headset, a grin on his face that could put that of a child in a candy-shop to shame. "So _that's_ what's been going on…." He chuckled; glad of the time he had spent bugging the first lieutenant's apartment. For a moment the dark-haired man contemplated ratting out the two and warning Roy. That's what best friends did after all; looking out for each other and doing what was best for them was all a part of the deal. They were meant to have each other's back, supporting and protecting each other. It would be a horrible thing if Maes betrayed him for a bit of fun. His emerald eyes lit with mischief, he flipped his cell phone open and dialed a number. "Riza and Al know. The games have begun."

* * *

**Once again, I apologize for not having updated in so long. It looks as if this will be a monthly thing….**

**^_^; ANYWAY…..As for having Roy and Ed both call trusted ones, it's not because I'm uncreative, it's to show how similar they are in personality. The lack of names and very few descriptions for Riza and Al's conversation is because it's from Maes's bugs that he left in the apartment, so he wouldn't be able to see anything. And now, to thank all of my WONDERFUL readers out there who are still wasting their time on this crap! **

**RubySaphireMoon: sorry I got your name wrong, but thanks a bunch for actually thinking my work is "good"!**

**AnimeWolf56: Wow, thanks! I really appreciate the review.**

**cutepuppy21: Roy got a stamp fr a present in chaper 1, so yes it is a stamp, sorry if it isn't clear**

**Shizaki Kuro: LOL I sure wouldn't have guessed! Thanks! I'll try to update faster, I really will.**

**Sachiel Angelo: Naughty, Naughty! Don't worry, I'll torture him plenty.**

**A housewife D: You like it THAT much?! Wow, dat makez meh so happie I'M not spelling wight!**

**joruni: Really? You like it that much?! Wow, I'm so happy! I never thought my writing style was especially amazing, so THANKS! I think there needs to be more desperate but not** **horribly sick twisted and scarred Roy, and I'm happy you like my portrayal of the characters. THANKS!**

**Thank you EVERYONE who read this story so far, evernthe ones who didn't review. Thank you.**


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